Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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