best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
