you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
