You made me cry and you don't even care
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The Olympian is in my bed
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
