My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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