he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
