I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize