you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
