I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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