mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
