do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
