Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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