No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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