But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
