Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
