I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
