tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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