Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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