i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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