[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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