im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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