i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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