i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
