Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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