Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize