i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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