Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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