just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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