There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
