Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
