I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
