You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
