My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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