Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize