woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
