i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
50% drunk capacity currently
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
