Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
