He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
