Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
