Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
