The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
