so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize