Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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