He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
