My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
