So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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