i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
