Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
