my room smells like sperm. sweet.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
