Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
