On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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