6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
