This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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