I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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