separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
