just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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