all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
