i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
