i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
