Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
