I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
