umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize