She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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