In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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