Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
