I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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