my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
