my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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