Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
