Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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