you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
