people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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