i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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